Communication, through writing, is that one art I have secretly
craved to someday put a personal insignia on; that craft I could someday hold
tangible and use as an instrument to impact a large audience toward the
positive. These days it would seem as
though the dream eludes me; as though the desire and passion are fast faded. But
Jeez! I am a procrastinator, and I must admit.
Have I been too afraid to be open? Have I been too cautious
of my vulnerabilities that I became careful to thread on broken glass? If I
would lay my thoughts bare on tabloid streets, would the shame be too much for
a soldier to bear? Or would the fame carry along with it the coins needed to
jingle my pockets? Lord I want to be bold- er. Tell it like it really is.
What’s been going on these days? Work, work, work, and a lot
more work. And it kinda gets hard to focus on most other stuff other than work.
The pretty thing about it is most days I have great colleagues working with.
And on shitty days, just know I got stuck with the REALLY ugly ones. But I get
through the days knowing that I would return to an ever accepting and non-judgmental
bed. That cushioning helps, mostly at nights.
But I’m learning. Life stuff, academia stuff. Between those
walls that hide the long work hours on our medicine floor; between the Critical
Care Unit and the Step Down ward 7, there are vast droplets of knowledge
floating the air. And some days, they could get toxic.
And yes, I wish I could still make so much time for
basketball or movies or that much talked about 1 hour sitcom. Can't recall the last time I went bodybuilding at the gym. or maybe even the
time to hang and catch up with friends over beer and escovitch fish. But these days
I feel like I’m building something, and I can only ask the Lord for constant
help - willing to go one day at a time, little by little.
Out here, its 12:31a.m and I would no more like to be a procrastinator.
At least not for tonight’s sleep. The cushioning helps!
