Stay strong, keep moving (choices)

This morning I made a choice. I stopped by at the gym after work, for my usual workout routine. And even though the night had been 13 hours long spent, with the demands of patients that will put a strain on mental and physical wellbeing, I knew I had to do this because I had made this promise to myself, for myself- one promise I knew I had to keep, however hard.

And the work out was hard. Really hard. It becomes a little ironic when you put yourself through tedious work knowing fully well that you aren’t being forcefully mandated by any authority to be in that present situation. 

You could very well quit, but you are fully aware that your predicament is solely by your own doing, by the handiwork of your mental miscalculations – Mr stupid?  Squatting on a hundred and eighty pounds, benching on one-seventy, in an up and down rhythm that you wished you didn’t have to follow. The fibers of your muscles sore, pleading for mercy, when ego won't budge.

Yet quite very often we are told that hard work is the road to success, and that it pays. And while it's always good to hear popular statements like “no pain no gain,” the pain at present makes this feel good statement sound so elusive and, even deceptive at best.  

But eventually the truth is revealed in that there is a greater reward for the sacrifices we make today for a better and stronger tomorrow.

 

My hamstrings are still sore, and will probably still be for another few days. But I have learnt that I can find the boundaries between my strength and weakness, between my comfort zones and the battle field; to push my limits beyond the places I have imagined.

 That feeling is thrilling as much as it can be scary. But at then end, it’s all concealed in the choices we choose to make. This morning I made a choice; to stay strong, and keep moving.

Game of Thrones (Paying attention)

These days, I find that there is always a thing or two to learn from nearly every situation if we have our senses attuned.  It has been said that behind every challenge lies an opportunity; and Just like the diamonds in the rough, sharper blessings may just be bluntly disguised in utter disgust. Pay attention.

Tonight, I watched Game of Thrones as a late bloomer of the series - at season 5. And as grotesquely graphic the images appear to be -with all of the lewdness and irreverent decadence highly glorified in the pictures - there are still very meaningful life lessons embedded therein. There is courage and boldness; and the highlighted ability to face one's fears, strongly, even in the midst of uncertainties and inadequacies. More so, there is the hopeful reassurance of peace that is promised only after a fierce battle is fought. And many a time, life will be lost. But life goes on, usually.

For tonight I could sum up these lessons in just two words “John Snow” – a fine character of a man, whose humble beginnings foresaw little or no future glories. But as the bible would say, that even the stone that the builders rejected, turned out to be the chief corner stone.

Don’t get me wrong, I still writhe in disgust as I watch the gory spilling of blood as steel swords slice through human flesh. And though I understand that it is only fiction, there is still that reeling pain from witnessing a favorite character demise. RIP to Robb Stark.

Sometimes I do need a break from work; from the consistent negativity portrayed on the nightly local and international news. But through it all, just like in our modern society with all of the craziness bombarding our senses by the media in these recent times, I am learning to pick out the wheat from the chaff. I am learning to pay attention. I am watching Game of Thrones.

Try

I recently decided to deactivate my facebook profile, albeit temporarily, with the hope of spending more of my time in doing things I consider constructive. To think that I have not written in a while has left me a little less than useful, and in a way I have felt my sense of creativity dwindle. Screaming “eurkeka!” has eluded me for such a long time that even a whisper would have sufficed in my most downcast days. I want back the feeling.

Grad school begins in September, and there is a mixed feeling of mild trepidation with excitement. I’m excited for the fact that I am being blessed with another opportunity to try at something, and to continue making strides in the progressive advancement of my personal development and academic pursuits. I am excited for the fact that somehow since a long time, it seems like the future is getting clearer for me; and that I am entering into my true purpose of existence. I am thankful.

I remember telling my cousin in a recent conversation we had that, for me, for now, it is all about leaving a legacy. I feel like this part of school is providing me the platform to try, and maybe who knows even excel greatly. However, as is common with treading paths unknown, there is always the trepidation that creeps in from uncertainties. Yet, I am forever thankful for the faith that disproves the ‘seemingly’ impossible.

Preceptor training

I was laying in my bed a certain afternoon on my usual daily naps after a long night at work when I got a call from the UWISON stating that I had been selected to be a part of the preceptorship training program. My initial thought was “Thank you Lord”. Truth is I have always felt like I needed to find and position myself in more avenues that seek to enhance the development and guidance of the young and coming. I so happen to be a believer in paving the way for a smoother journey for those coming behind - Hence my easy inclination to becoming a part of this program.

Arriving in class on my first day, I got a little lost.  Initially I got lost trying to find the UWISON building on the UWI campus. I kept stopping to ask for directions from students walking the pavement. It was interesting to find that a good number of students weren’t even sure where the building was located. A few times I was steered in the wrong direction, but eventually I found my way. I got lost again when I arrived into the classroom. Seeing all of my colleagues walking in a circular frenzy with papers and pens in hand asking questions from one another, I got bombarded with questions like “Did you have coffee for breakfast?” “Have you ever been to Canada,” “Are you a single child,” “Do you own more than two wrist watches?” “How many languages do you speak?” among others. I had to ask myself what was going on. It took me a moment to settle into the disarray, until I was welcomed and became a part of the group. We soon settled down.

Reflecting on the past week, I am grateful just for the idea of being in a position that helps to foster and guide the growth and development of students. Having worked as a Registered Nurse at the University hospital nearly two years, I have seen many students come and go who explicitly displayed deficiencies in both simple and complex clinical skills. More so, there were those who by their implicit actions and inactions subconsciously beckoned for counsel, words of encouragement and/or reassurance.  The key idea, I realized, is to pay close attention to each student as they all come with variations in capacity as well as needs.

In class we have been able to define and redefine the terms preceptor, preceptee and preceptorship. We have looked at the roles of a preceptor as a facilitator and trainer in preceptees' clinical development. We also have looked at the qualities, attributes and attitudes relevant to being an excellent preceptor and what it means to be a role model.  However after recently reading an article on nursing preceptor views on precepting undergraduate nursing students (2012) by Deborah Haines, my perspective on what to possibly expect on the job as a preceptor was broadened. I became even more cognizant of the essential need to work concomitantly with school faculty in order to be more involved in the students’ development process, and this might be achieved by ensuring an open communication channel, meeting with faculty and nursing students prior to beginning of clinical experience and ongoing, as well as providing quality and honest feedback to students and faculty, just to mention a few.  As a role model, I understand that my actions or inactions can be emulated by nursing students and may help to shape values and attitudes that will be either beneficial or detrimental to their success.

One challenge I have encountered in the past week has been adjusting my daily schedule to fit in the three days a week three o’clock classes for the program. I realize that for some reason quite controllable by me, I arrive in class a little later than start time especially on days when I work night shifts - and the subsequent sleep that ensues after I get home. In dealing with this, I have begun to get sleep earlier in the day, and also begin preparation for the day’s activity early enough so that I can leave home in time.

In our classroom, even though the air conditioning keeps the temperature cold, the ambiance within has been warm. Some of my colleagues, I’m only getting to meet for the first time. But the classes have provided a room for introduction and mingle. The instructor for the program Mrs. Stanley has shown a consistence in delivering quality content and has also maintained a smile on her face the entire week. So far, we all are getting along and it seems like whatever challenges in the coming 5 weeks can be overcome. For the coming week, I plan to not only have a perfect attendance, but also to be punctual. More so, to read as many journals as possible relating to the subject areas  to be taught so as to be better informed, knowledgeable, and make valuable contributions during our ever enjoyable classroom discussions.

Believe

So here I am on a late Wednesday morning still in bed. My legs are half curled with my thighs just high enough to brace my computer. There’s headphones to my ears for the pleasant music that would occasionally strike a chord in my head. I've played, on repeat, Ed Sheeran’s ‘thinking out loud’ a couple times already. A song I would like to use the word ‘dope’ to describe.

Again, may I apologize for my writing hiatus. As much as the fault may be credited to that incessant writers block that has continued to plague me the past couple months, in addition to the deluge of work related activities I so frequently happen to be engrossed in, I must admit that I also have not made a measurable effort to improve in this regard. Albeit, I wouldn't put the blame on my working mostly night shifts nearly every day of the week. I know I can do better, and better I will.

Nevertheless, a lot has happened since the last months for which I will always remain grateful for. God has been good to me despite the numerous life challenges that find several ways to present themselves on a day to day basis. The truth still remains that we are moving forward, and progress is being made, whichever way one chooses to look at it.

Today I am praying for inspiration, for motivation and for strength. I have recently applied for graduate studies with intentions to begin in August 2015. I also pray to be accepted into this program and, for the intellectual, financial and physical resources to excel in my studies. I’ll be taking things one day at a time. And I trust that with God, all things shall be made possible, for us who have made the choice to believe.

All
across the globe
People are hurting
People are lost

But
There is a power that breathes life
in the still air of a content soul

From
the bliss that thrives within
Compassion flows in mighty ocean tides

May '
Love help us find a way.