New beginnings: writing again!

 

Wow! 

I have not made a post on this blog since 2017. That is about 8 years, which actually is a lot of time for a hiatus.

 A lot has happened in 8yrs, in which I could write an entire book. I am not sure why I took such a long break from writing. But I guess we could find some time to fill in on some of those gaps. The good thing is that I am finding my way back to my old writing self again. 

My son has been born 3yrs and counting.  As I said, A LOT has happened.  

One of the reasons that prompted my writing today, was me sitting in my chair at work and reminiscing on how we both spent yesterday together. I was particularly impressed at how not just present I was in the physical to be with him throughout the day, but I was also present in my mind and spirit. But even when I tried to get distracted for a minute or so, he would jolt me back into reality to engage in some type of play or something he found interesting. Without much fuss, I would give in. I mean, the boy can be very demanding, or some would say very assertive.

After we woke up and bid mom farewell to work in the morning, we did breakfast and darted off to tennis. Soon as we arrived the sports arena, upon seeing the basketball court, little man wanted to play on the court first before tennis. And that we did. Then to swimming; before home. 

He actually dozed off in the car a quarter way into the journey. I soon came to realize that I wasn't hearing any more sounds coming from his seat at the back. The rear mirror confirmed.  

And for the rest of the evening, in between me doing house chores and personal work I, somehow, did find the time to engage with him. 

This does give me a sense of satisfaction for today, knowing I might have a full day trying to get through another hassle. And for this blessing, I am thankful.

I am also thankful for his interesting personality. Aside from the fact that he is my son whom I happen to like, the boy really does know how to hang. 

Give

Today I was reminded that there are different levels to giving.

 There are some persons who give from the top of their pockets;

and others, who would give from the bottom of their hearts.

 I reckoned also that giving can be easy when conditions are favourable,

but can be a little overwhelming in totally inconvenient circumstances.

But then, there is the giving that springs

In the presence of resources that are absolutely nonexistent,

Where the will to alleviate a suffering, or quell an impending doom

commands heavenly forces to the working of unfathomable miracles.

Write Something; anything.

Tonight, I decide to write. Even though I am not particularly certain of the content or direction of my writing, I draw inspiration form a recent Quora post which encourages the expression of ideas that are present within our immediate thoughts. And you know, that, if only I had been disciplined enough to communicate these thoughts, on a daily basis through journaling those many events that attempted to denude my sanity,  I might have inadvertently been perceived a somewhat intriguing personality.

However, tonight, happens to be one of such nights when I get to spend another 12 hours on night shift, patiently awaiting on dusk to dawn, earnestly hoping that we do not have a code blue for the shift. Usually the better part of the day begins to surface when the sound of "good morning" greetings  is echoed repeatedly across the corridor that adjoins our different wards; the days when Monday mornings aren’t met with such gloom and deluded misery; the mornings when the thoughts of a comfy bed is so very near to mind, and it becomes all so acceptable to sleep lazily away the late morning hours.

At this moment, though, the focus is to just write…  however directionless. write write write write write: like if  the lady Rihanna were to 'write' instead of 'work'? ha!

But I soon will have to get off from writing and get back to work, because in front of me are patients with a myriad of ailments, who need the special type of care that I will have to provide when the needs arise. And until such a later time when I find adequate extra time in my hands for a proper post, this is just to keep the blog alive and updated in a direction it chose on its own.

Within

She radiates glory like the sun's rays

Beams of bright light

That sweep away

shadows of wishful cravings

cast to the floor.

Her appearance was of beauty

and
in the congregation

of things ornate

they worshipped.

Yet she walks listlessly

Seeking earnestly

 to find the one

Who might recognize

 the gem within

To find the one

Who might

take the time

to nurture her soul.

The Strive to glory

Life is but an unfolding of events.

A second by second stripping away of time

as we embark on our willfully thought out journey

which culminates in an epitome of memory.

Inch by inch,

it would seem appropriate

that we, ourselves, be the protagonist

 in the realm of our own existence.

Such that when our stories are told,

 in the peak moments before the call,

the voices that echo our stories

may reveal to every hearing ear within range

 that, truly, every man

 is presented an opportunity

to strive to glory or fold in shame.

Doctor

She walked hurriedly across the passage way

as the soles of her shoes,

 hanging knee length away from her white coat,

stealthily greeted the pristine polished floors.

Her appearance was grim,

Yet, within,
was a placid soul that was almost palpable.

And to her,

 I said, 

Doctor;

In a world that is crushed with wounded minds and broken spirits

There are hearts lying over these beds

That have been touched by the rare

Type of healing you breathe.

She looked close
with a humble gaze

and held a smile.

Stay strong, keep moving (choices)

This morning I made a choice. I stopped by at the gym after work, for my usual workout routine. And even though the night had been 13 hours long spent, with the demands of patients that will put a strain on mental and physical wellbeing, I knew I had to do this because I had made this promise to myself, for myself- one promise I knew I had to keep, however hard.

And the work out was hard. Really hard. It becomes a little ironic when you put yourself through tedious work knowing fully well that you aren’t being forcefully mandated by any authority to be in that present situation. 

You could very well quit, but you are fully aware that your predicament is solely by your own doing, by the handiwork of your mental miscalculations – Mr stupid?  Squatting on a hundred and eighty pounds, benching on one-seventy, in an up and down rhythm that you wished you didn’t have to follow. The fibers of your muscles sore, pleading for mercy, when ego won't budge.

Yet quite very often we are told that hard work is the road to success, and that it pays. And while it's always good to hear popular statements like “no pain no gain,” the pain at present makes this feel good statement sound so elusive and, even deceptive at best.  

But eventually the truth is revealed in that there is a greater reward for the sacrifices we make today for a better and stronger tomorrow.

 

My hamstrings are still sore, and will probably still be for another few days. But I have learnt that I can find the boundaries between my strength and weakness, between my comfort zones and the battle field; to push my limits beyond the places I have imagined.

 That feeling is thrilling as much as it can be scary. But at then end, it’s all concealed in the choices we choose to make. This morning I made a choice; to stay strong, and keep moving.

Game of Thrones (Paying attention)

These days, I find that there is always a thing or two to learn from nearly every situation if we have our senses attuned.  It has been said that behind every challenge lies an opportunity; and Just like the diamonds in the rough, sharper blessings may just be bluntly disguised in utter disgust. Pay attention.

Tonight, I watched Game of Thrones as a late bloomer of the series - at season 5. And as grotesquely graphic the images appear to be -with all of the lewdness and irreverent decadence highly glorified in the pictures - there are still very meaningful life lessons embedded therein. There is courage and boldness; and the highlighted ability to face one's fears, strongly, even in the midst of uncertainties and inadequacies. More so, there is the hopeful reassurance of peace that is promised only after a fierce battle is fought. And many a time, life will be lost. But life goes on, usually.

For tonight I could sum up these lessons in just two words “John Snow” – a fine character of a man, whose humble beginnings foresaw little or no future glories. But as the bible would say, that even the stone that the builders rejected, turned out to be the chief corner stone.

Don’t get me wrong, I still writhe in disgust as I watch the gory spilling of blood as steel swords slice through human flesh. And though I understand that it is only fiction, there is still that reeling pain from witnessing a favorite character demise. RIP to Robb Stark.

Sometimes I do need a break from work; from the consistent negativity portrayed on the nightly local and international news. But through it all, just like in our modern society with all of the craziness bombarding our senses by the media in these recent times, I am learning to pick out the wheat from the chaff. I am learning to pay attention. I am watching Game of Thrones.

Try

I recently decided to deactivate my facebook profile, albeit temporarily, with the hope of spending more of my time in doing things I consider constructive. To think that I have not written in a while has left me a little less than useful, and in a way I have felt my sense of creativity dwindle. Screaming “eurkeka!” has eluded me for such a long time that even a whisper would have sufficed in my most downcast days. I want back the feeling.

Grad school begins in September, and there is a mixed feeling of mild trepidation with excitement. I’m excited for the fact that I am being blessed with another opportunity to try at something, and to continue making strides in the progressive advancement of my personal development and academic pursuits. I am excited for the fact that somehow since a long time, it seems like the future is getting clearer for me; and that I am entering into my true purpose of existence. I am thankful.

I remember telling my cousin in a recent conversation we had that, for me, for now, it is all about leaving a legacy. I feel like this part of school is providing me the platform to try, and maybe who knows even excel greatly. However, as is common with treading paths unknown, there is always the trepidation that creeps in from uncertainties. Yet, I am forever thankful for the faith that disproves the ‘seemingly’ impossible.

Preceptor training

I was laying in my bed a certain afternoon on my usual daily naps after a long night at work when I got a call from the UWISON stating that I had been selected to be a part of the preceptorship training program. My initial thought was “Thank you Lord”. Truth is I have always felt like I needed to find and position myself in more avenues that seek to enhance the development and guidance of the young and coming. I so happen to be a believer in paving the way for a smoother journey for those coming behind - Hence my easy inclination to becoming a part of this program.

Arriving in class on my first day, I got a little lost.  Initially I got lost trying to find the UWISON building on the UWI campus. I kept stopping to ask for directions from students walking the pavement. It was interesting to find that a good number of students weren’t even sure where the building was located. A few times I was steered in the wrong direction, but eventually I found my way. I got lost again when I arrived into the classroom. Seeing all of my colleagues walking in a circular frenzy with papers and pens in hand asking questions from one another, I got bombarded with questions like “Did you have coffee for breakfast?” “Have you ever been to Canada,” “Are you a single child,” “Do you own more than two wrist watches?” “How many languages do you speak?” among others. I had to ask myself what was going on. It took me a moment to settle into the disarray, until I was welcomed and became a part of the group. We soon settled down.

Reflecting on the past week, I am grateful just for the idea of being in a position that helps to foster and guide the growth and development of students. Having worked as a Registered Nurse at the University hospital nearly two years, I have seen many students come and go who explicitly displayed deficiencies in both simple and complex clinical skills. More so, there were those who by their implicit actions and inactions subconsciously beckoned for counsel, words of encouragement and/or reassurance.  The key idea, I realized, is to pay close attention to each student as they all come with variations in capacity as well as needs.

In class we have been able to define and redefine the terms preceptor, preceptee and preceptorship. We have looked at the roles of a preceptor as a facilitator and trainer in preceptees' clinical development. We also have looked at the qualities, attributes and attitudes relevant to being an excellent preceptor and what it means to be a role model.  However after recently reading an article on nursing preceptor views on precepting undergraduate nursing students (2012) by Deborah Haines, my perspective on what to possibly expect on the job as a preceptor was broadened. I became even more cognizant of the essential need to work concomitantly with school faculty in order to be more involved in the students’ development process, and this might be achieved by ensuring an open communication channel, meeting with faculty and nursing students prior to beginning of clinical experience and ongoing, as well as providing quality and honest feedback to students and faculty, just to mention a few.  As a role model, I understand that my actions or inactions can be emulated by nursing students and may help to shape values and attitudes that will be either beneficial or detrimental to their success.

One challenge I have encountered in the past week has been adjusting my daily schedule to fit in the three days a week three o’clock classes for the program. I realize that for some reason quite controllable by me, I arrive in class a little later than start time especially on days when I work night shifts - and the subsequent sleep that ensues after I get home. In dealing with this, I have begun to get sleep earlier in the day, and also begin preparation for the day’s activity early enough so that I can leave home in time.

In our classroom, even though the air conditioning keeps the temperature cold, the ambiance within has been warm. Some of my colleagues, I’m only getting to meet for the first time. But the classes have provided a room for introduction and mingle. The instructor for the program Mrs. Stanley has shown a consistence in delivering quality content and has also maintained a smile on her face the entire week. So far, we all are getting along and it seems like whatever challenges in the coming 5 weeks can be overcome. For the coming week, I plan to not only have a perfect attendance, but also to be punctual. More so, to read as many journals as possible relating to the subject areas  to be taught so as to be better informed, knowledgeable, and make valuable contributions during our ever enjoyable classroom discussions.