It’s a beautiful day

I’ve just spent the past four hours finishing up on a song I’ve been working on for about a month now. The words just wouldn’t come, the chords weren’t sounding right. But tonight it was different. The words and the chords came in harmonious synchrony. Two verses and a bridge, with a chorus. The feeling is exhilarating. The time on my computer says 12:51 a.m. But I feel like I only just woke up. It’s a beautiful day.

The holiday is here. Cold winds are blowing, tree leaves are falling. Yet, not as quick or frequent as the pouring rain. You might think it a bit awkward that it rains this much in December. But this is Mandeville, the town with an unpredictable climate. Here, it rains all year through, interspersed with moments of sunshine that I have come to find easily acquiescing. But I like it when it rains.It adds to the beauty of the days.

My Mother called yesterday to wish me compliments of the season. My response: “it’s the season? I hardly know.” These days I’ve stayed mostly in my room. And in here, there are no Christmas trees or jingle bells, so it’s really hard to tell.

I’ve only actually just started making the transition from long nights of academic study to an all day lackadaisical chilling and frolic. I still wake up some mornings with a feeling of uneasiness to complete an impending assignment or some school work. But it feels good to know that I have totally no obligations whatsoever, except the ones that have been self imposed, like staying on my commitment to finish reading the books of Acts to Revelations, completing this song I did tonight (yay), chilling on some cool movies, and finishing this book on Heart Attack. I think I’m catching on fine with things so far.

But there’s also the really cool part of catching up on all the lost sleep in the past semester - which I must go do in a few minutes. I smile for there is no need to set my alarm for 5a.m. I’ll just sleep through the night until I see the sun shine. And I know when I wake up in some long hours from now, it is going to be another beautiful day.

War on the bridge

I was placed in the middle
now there’s war within
I hold the centre stage
I stand as the bridge

I’m being pulled from both ends
My strength begins to wane
This bridge placed in the middle
Their tugs tear apart

It’s a rain of war
But no one can feel my pain
I am not the enemy
Yet I’m stomped, pressed and cut

Each wants to win this war
Each wants to overcome
perhaps if I let my ends loose,
in the deep oceans that lie beneath
I could drown this war to its end

But I hope that peace and love might reign
And everyone walk across freely without strain
That maybe again I can be sane
To serve as just the bridge that I am.

Let it rain.

My heart is troubled, but I couldn’t tell you why.
I worry, but it’s not enough to make me cry.
I’d like to give some explanation,
but there’s a little bit of hesitation,
the air is filled with confusion.
I feel like I’m going to choke.

My stomach churns, my chest burns
It’s a hard ball of sour feelings swallowed down
like a reflux is about to erode my gut.
Lord, heal me.
My feet are slipping, my grip is loosening
Hold me, tight.

Tonight it rained, and it made me glad
Because I know that soon
the brown leaves will turn green
and the dirt roads would be washed clean
when the night is over, when morning comes
and it shall be a plump stride on the narrow path
where the thin walk used to be hard.


So keep me humble, keep me small.
That I might continue to need You
and when I do stray, and loose my way
I may patiently wait for the night
with my knees to the ground,
and eyes to the skies
I will ask, yet again,
that You let it rain.

These days.

It’s almost the end of my clinical rotations. I have got a week left to go.

I remember when I first got to this town, apprehension made the trip with me. But now, I think I’ve ditched her along the way. She’s just not my type, I don’t see her anymore. You should see the new dame around me all the time now: she’s got poise, appeal, and has a sweet smell like dignity. Her name is confidence. I met her through His grace, after I had tried and failed, attempted and got disappointed. She came to my rescue.

I have come to like the hospital, not as a patient, but as a provider of health - a nurse. These past weeks have made me think of changing roles as a health worker. I had another eureka moment that provided answers to where I’d like to focus my career. I’m thinking Cardiology. I’d like to learn all about the heart and blood vessels; how they work, and how they can be fixed. But maybe after all the fun moments of auscultating with stethoscopes, catheterizations, and medication administrations, I could wipe the dust off my guitar and throw a shot at Broadway. I just might make the kind of music that heals the heart too. It’d still be cardiology – I suppose.

Christmas is almost here. Then, I will have about two weeks of holiday. Two weeks of no class, no hospital or patients, no waking up early at 5a.m. Another two weeks away from my family, at Christmas. The fourth Christmas. I miss them, only these days I forget how to cry.

I feel like I need to catch up on some sleep, a couple books I have missed, and hone on the guitar. My concert is coming up February the 14th. After my audition, I was told I’d be playing 4 songs on stage. I’d like to thrill the crowd. Actually, I should.

It’s easy to say you've got love for me,
when it’s in the little things you do
that show just how much you care.

Some times I look
and you’re just not there,
not here, not anywhere
but you claim that you are not aware
of how I fare…

Sometimes I fear
Yet its hard to shed a tear
I’m alone and cold
my skin is bare; no blankets to share.

Turn on the lights,
Let the nights be bright
That I might see it when you say it;
Feel it when you mean it

I don’t want to fight
Just hold tight, don't let go
let the good times roll
I'll be home right after the show.

Not alone

You are not alone...
not on your own
though the world has grown cruel
and the troubled winds have blown cold
Remember
your flesh and bone
sits on the throne...
watching over his own
And in His stretched out arms
It is shown
that you are not alone :-)

beautiful

But if only you knew
The things that I go through
just to get through to you,

Beautiful

The time is way past nine,
and I’m sitting here wishing that you were mine,
I’d like to tell you how much I miss you,
how much I’d like to kiss you

Beautiful

But only if you were mine,
Only if you would hold my hands
and look into my eyes
with that light in you that shines
so bright and so

Beautiful…

This morning I wake up
with you on my mind
On my skin I feel a touch
that is warm and kind...

I walk the streets
the dames in the corner
they all stop and stare
I try to stare back
but all I see is you...

Beautiful

But only if you were mine
and I was thine
I would change the hands of time

We’d sit on a table, wine and dine
Pour you a glass, barefoot on green grass
whisper through your ears
to let you know
just how much you are

Beautiful….