The cushioning helps!

Communication, through writing, is that one art I have secretly craved to someday put a personal insignia on; that craft I could someday hold tangible and use as an instrument to impact a large audience toward the positive.  These days it would seem as though the dream eludes me; as though the desire and passion are fast faded. But Jeez! I am a procrastinator, and I must admit.

Have I been too afraid to be open? Have I been too cautious of my vulnerabilities that I became careful to thread on broken glass? If I would lay my thoughts bare on tabloid streets, would the shame be too much for a soldier to bear? Or would the fame carry along with it the coins needed to jingle my pockets? Lord I want to be bold- er. Tell it like it really is.

What’s been going on these days? Work, work, work, and a lot more work. And it kinda gets hard to focus on most other stuff other than work. The pretty thing about it is most days I have great colleagues working with. And on shitty days, just know I got stuck with the REALLY ugly ones. But I get through the days knowing that I would return to an ever accepting and non-judgmental bed. That cushioning helps, mostly at nights.

But I’m learning. Life stuff, academia stuff. Between those walls that hide the long work hours on our medicine floor; between the Critical Care Unit and the Step Down ward 7, there are vast droplets of knowledge floating the air. And some days, they could get toxic.

And yes, I wish I could still make so much time for basketball or movies or that much talked about 1 hour sitcom. Can't recall the last time I went bodybuilding at the gym. or maybe even the time to hang and catch up with friends over beer and escovitch fish. But these days I feel like I’m building something, and I can only ask the Lord for constant help - willing to go one day at a time, little by little.

Out here, its 12:31a.m and I would no more like to be a procrastinator. At least not for tonight’s sleep. The cushioning helps!